Monthly Archives: July 2012

Birth Story, Part 3

This is the part I always try to avoid. This is the part where the pain is so exquisite I can’t touch it, like air on a third-degree burn. I started seeing a therapist a week after Balthazar died and at our first session she said, “I don’t know what happened, other than that you’ve […]

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Birth Story, Part 2

The blue-eyed nurse ran the Doppler over my belly. Nothing. She asked me how far along I was. “Thirty-seven weeks, five days,” I answered. The longer she tried to find the heartbeat, the sicker I got. I knew already. I just couldn’t believe what I knew. Someone went to get the ultrasound machine. “Oh my […]

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Birth Story, Part 1

It’s hard to know where to begin a birth story like this. You start to feel like everything that ever happened to you your entire life was meant to lead you to this moment. Everything feels important, and you go back and back, looking for the beginning. Was it my fortieth birthday, when I told […]

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