Monthly Archives: August 2012

Tragedy Mom

At the beginning of the last school year my friend Gwen and I were on the playground at Glencoe, watching our boys run around and talking about fate. “Do you realize,” I said, doing some quick calculations, “that, say, two of the families at this school are going to have something really tragic happen to […]

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The Visitation

God. I’ve been thinking about God more or less continuously for the past four months and trying to write about the subject for weeks now. It’s always a complex and fraught subject for me, but these days my thoughts are tangled, an intractable knot of a hundred fine gold chains balled up at the bottom […]

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Anniversary

One year ago today I found out I was pregnant. It took a lot to get to that moment, but not in the way you would think. I did not struggle with infertility. I didn’t have to do iui, or ivf, or have shots of Clomid. I didn’t have multiple miscarriages. All I had to […]

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The Dresser

Until today the nursery was still just as it was on April 3, a room suspended in time. Jasper’s old crib is in there, made up with new Dwell Baby owl-print sheets. There’s a stuffed animal tucked in where Balthazar would have slept. His blabla lions and face pillows are propped up along the side. […]

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Sports Are Not Life

I haven’t swum competitively in twenty years, but every four years I get sucked into the Olympics. I’ve spent the last few days thinking about Michael Phelps, trying to see if there are any lessons I can learn and apply to my own life. To my own situation. Frankly, I wanted to find lessons to […]

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Captain Zimbo

At Sunnyside Medical Center there’s a protocol for an intrauterine fetal demise. They put a card on your door with a picture of a leaf with a raindrop on it, so everyone who comes in knows not to ask you giddy questions about nursery color schemes. A social worker comes. They give you a lot […]

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